Part of me is afraid to type this all out in one place for fear of breaking down when I see it all listed. But part of me thinks I have to do this to make a step forward. So here I am, late at night, my mind going a million places.
Money. First and foremost. Actually, I'd say a large part of my worries are financial related. A very large part.
~
Husband's growing dislike for his new job. He hates having to work
one weekend day and doesn't get home until dinner time during the
week. Definitely causing problems for my son because he misses his
daddy, hard as hell on me because I'm responsible for both kids all the
time. His pay doesn't equate the amount of responsibility he has to
undertake, but since he's only been there a short time he can't even
approach his regional for a raise. I see him looking at monster.com
and the other job related websites every single day and sending out
lots of resumes, but no one has called him back yet. So he's been
down lately too.
~ Knowing I'm going to be laid off soon. Could it
be three months from now? Six months from now? Two years from now?
No clue. All I know is that I should start looking for something "part
time" according to my boss because our sales will probably not allow me
to continue making the salary I am right now. Being a work-at-home
mom is very tough, but it gives me the opportunity to make a decent
income, have health insurance, take care of my daughter and gives me
the flexibility to be the transportation to and from my son's
preschool, as well as the ability to take the time off I need for my
daughter's occupational therapy for her delays.
~ Our debt. Huge.
My husband wants to refinance again, but enough is enough. Three times
in four years is enough. We have credit card debt on top of a used
home-equity loan and a mortgage. What's worse, is we go through spurts
when we get down about things that we go out for dinner a lot because
we are both too tired to cook. Adds up quite a bit.
I really
don't know what I'm going to do about a job. My son starts
Kindergarten in the fall, and the afterschool care was full and we are
on a wait list which means he needs to be picked up by 2:30pm every
day. I sincerely doubt I'll be able to make what I'm making now at
another job with the hours I'm going to need to work. My daughter is
going to have to go into preschool/daycare (which I'm fine with), but
that is really expensive especially with me having a lower salary.
It's almost as if I'll have to work just for her daycare and we can't
afford that. Also, how will I be able to take a job that requires me
to take two hours one day each week to take my daughter to her
occupational therapist?
I'm not too worried about health
insurance, because me and the kids can always be added to my husband's
policy through his work. We've already confirmed that.
Then
there is our house. Our home office and our master bedroom are
disaster areas. I'm sitting in our home office right now and there is
crap everywhere. Our master bedroom is really bad too. The rest of
the house is decent, you know, the areas where the kids see most
often. It's almost as if we need to take a week off with no kids just
to clean the house.
Another thing about my current job, as much
as I know how good it is for our situation financially and convenience
wise, I hate hate hate my job. Dread, loathe, despise it. There is a
huge part of me that is just looking forward to this ending already so
I can move on. There are so many reasons why, but I don't feel the
need to go through them right now.
I wish I could find a
legit, non-sales type job where I can work from home and make a decent
income. You see so many scams out there, and that's not for me.
I'm looking forward to our vacation next week. I have a feeling it's going to be our last vacation for quite a while.
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